Preschool Decisions

There have been some parents lately trying to figure out if they should enroll their children in preschool. Full time? Part time? I have discussed this with some of my counseling clients who have navigated this world as well. What to do... welcome to the rollercoaster of parenting! You've probably been there for a while, anyway, but making a preschool decision for your child starts our hearts beating faster, doesn't it? I am breathing as I write to calm myself down!! :)

This subject is very near and dear to me because I believe that the culture of where we live makes us decide things for our kids that may not necessarily be in their best interest/s. Here are my thoughts: just as I tell my prenatal clients that are anxiously trying to figure out what stroller to buy or what color to paint the nursery: your baby doesn't care! What he/she cares about is having a mom that is present, calm, etc. I find myself to this very day telling myself this when I am anxious. It just doesn't serve my kids to be in that state of mind.

So, with preschool selection, I feel the same way! Your kid wants YOU! Sometimes this isn't possible, where, for financial reasons you have to work. Maybe you love your job and feel happier. Full-time preschool may be the best option for your child in this situation. If you are working out of necessity and you need to enroll your child in a full-time preschool, just remember that there's no room for feeling guilty if you really would rather be home with your child (and not have him/her in a full-time preschool). We just don't get to feel guilty. We need to move on and work through our feelings for our kids. No one benefits when we feel guilty. These are old patterns that we learned, starting in childhood. Here's our own opportunity to grow!

Some other questions to ponder when considering the steps for preschool:

What is the pay-off for missing your child's nap (if he/she is still napping)?
Do you miss out on the yummy family dinner time when you're all together because your child is so over-tired and maybe over-worked from holding it together from his long preschool day? This question is truly one to ponder. I wanted my kids to have that family time. Now that they are older I am so happy that I've done that, because the pull for their sports activites, piano, ukelele, etc., etc. can pull us from what is so truly important... FAMILY!

Do they have the opportunity to work through their feelings... e.g. cry, in their new preschool?
I've read the posts that have stated the kids that have enrolled in full-time preschool have cried "very little". Does this mean that they've learned to "bottle up" their emotions? What does the teacher say to foster the "she only cried a little bit?" I know one mom I worked with once told me the teacher said, "Here's the lollipop dragon and you can get a lollipop if you don't cry." I'm not making this stuff up! Knowing the philosophy behind processing feelings will be important for you to know!

This could be a whole entire subject, but if our children hold their safest feelings for us, no wonder why they cry, scream, temper tantrum SO MUCH when they are with us. I question whether I would cry in the presence of fellow students at a course I'm taking, or wait until I got home to unload these feelings with my own husband. This is what our children navigate on a daily basis. My oldest son, upon entering kindergarten said, "It's not okay to cry at school." He was learning the social norms of that environment. You know what I said to him? "Bubba, then home will be your safe place to bring your feelings." I just wanted to ensure that he wasn't bottling up his emotions only to later in life experience depression, anxiety, etc. He would have the tools to really know what he was feeling and how to soothe himself, instead of ending up at Mira Costa High School one day only to succomb to the influence of drugs, alcohol, etc. to bottle up his feelings. Please email me off-line as I'd be happy to discuss more.

When my boys were little, I had the luxury of selecting a preschool where I could be there working, and with them. This was so important to me to be there to see their milestones, and to begin the process of creating a "village" to turn to where I would gain friendships. In times when I needed a break, I wanted this "village" to be there for me (especially b/c my own parents are back east, and my husband's parents have since passed away). Not everyone has that luxury or option. Again, this made me a "happy" mom where I could then be present for my children. This has now extended to the public school/s where my kids attend. I try to see my clients during school hours, but when I can't I rarely pay for a babysitter. I have so many friends to trade off child care, car rides, etc. And guess what? My kids are so the more happy for it. They have so much socialization going on. They're in people's homes, learning about what it means to be a family, and how our family is the same/different than others. This makes for such rich discussion! This took years and energy on my part to build my village. I am so very happy that I took the time to do so. Because I didn't grow up in the area, I needed to do this. For those of you who have your "pre-made" village, enrolling your child in a drop-off preschool won't be as much of a problem for you. Again, just something to ponder.

When my youngest (who is now in 2nd grade) told me he was "done" with preschool the year before he started kinder, I followed his lead. He had built so many friends that we scheduled playdates when the spirit moved us. I took him to swim classes, Lego-Building, and skating at the time. He was so happy, as was I. I had always heard to enjoy the time because it goes by so fast. Here's where I got to practice that. I got to be there for my youngest in a way he didn't get to when he was a baby. He was too busy tagging along with me while I tended to his older brother. I look back on that time and can see the benefits of this time we spent together.

Unlike my oldest, he wasn't reading prior to kindergarten. I held in my heart that he would when he was ready. With all the pressure of academics pushed on kids these days I doubted all the "play" that I provided for him (he had no computer, video useage until 1st grade, and it's still limited and up for negotiation). It all turned out just fine. He was reading like a sponge in kinder and I continually hear how bright he his from all his teachers. In Social Studies he is learning about the electorial process and on his own accord, wanted to make a "movie." I love how he is able to think outside of the box! This probably happened because he wasn't over-scheduled. He has learned what to do in the "idle" moments when he is "bored." I don't have to entertain my kids. If they say, "I'm bored," my response is, "That's a choice. What would you like to do about it?"
When we fill up our kids day/s they don't have these opportunities. So easy for the short term, but we need to ask ourselves what kind of adults we'd like our children to be one day.

I will end with this: what worked for me may not work for you. We cannot shame each other for the decisions we make. It doesn't serve anyone, especially our own kids. Oh, and... here's another thought: I have a friend who is from Wisconsin who moved out to CA. She didn't go to preschool and therefore said she wasn't going to send her kids. For those questioning if her kids are okay socially: absolutely! This may not be you. Or, maybe it is. I respect us all for doing the best that we possibly can!

Let's just keep listening to our kids~
Have a happy day!

Lisa

Paxil and Breast Cancer

Interesting that mainstream media hasn't picked up on this study. Wanted to pass along the research. I also hope that anyone with cancer will seek out the abundance of support that is there for them when they are ready: Wellness Communities, counseling and psychotherapy, yoga, or even the following website: www.lotsahelpinghands.org (a place for friends to deliever meals), etc.. So nice to feel we have a connection to the earth and its people.

In health,

Lisa

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The popular antidepressant drug Paxil may interfere with breast cancer treatments, making patients more likely to relapse and die, researchers in Canada reported on Monday.

Women who took GlaxoSmithKline's Paxil while taking tamoxifen at the same time were more likely to die of their breast cancer, the researchers found. The longer the overlap between Paxil and tamoxifen, the more likely the patients were to die, they reported in the British Medical Journal.
It is likely because Paxil, sold generically as paroxetine, interferes with the compound the body uses to process tamoxifen, the researchers said.
"There is probably a better choice of antidepressants for women taking tamoxifen but (any change) should be done gradually with a doctor," said Dr. David Juurlink of the Institute for Clinical Evaluative Sciences and Sunnybrook Health Sciences Center in Toronto.
"It is easy for women on tamoxifen to become alarmed by the results of this study," Juurlink added in a telephone interview.
"People shouldn't be stopping their tamoxifen. It is an extremely important medication." And he said no-one should immediately stop taking paroxetine either without first consulting a doctor because suddenly stopping an anti-depressant can be dangerous.
Juurlink and colleagues looked at the healthcare records of 2,430 breast cancer patients 66 or older who took tamoxifen between 1993 and 2005. About 30 percent of the patients also took an antidepressant at some time during their treatment with tamoxifen, and paroxetine was the most common one.
Fifteen percent of the patients died of breast cancer during the study.
After other factors were taken into the account, the researchers found that women who took Paxil and tamoxifen together for a quarter of the treatment time were 25 percent more likely to die of breast cancer.
This rose to a 91 percent risk for the women who took tamoxifen and Paxil together for 75 percent of the time.
"In contrast, no such risk was seen with other antidepressants," the researchers wrote.
Tamoxifen can reduce the risk of breast cancer returning by 50 percent if women take it for five years, although the drug is often being replaced with a newer class of drugs called aromatase inhibitors.
For the body to use it, tamoxifen must be broken down by an enzyme called CYP2D6.
A class of antidepressants called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors or SSRIs can interfere with CYP2D6.
"Paxil is a fairly potent inhibitor of that enzyme," Juurlink said. So is fluoxetine, the first SSRI antidepressant.
His team did not find that fluoxetine, sold under the brand name Prozac, had the same effect, but it could be because so few women took that particular antidepressant, he said.
"These results highlight a drug interaction that is extremely common, widely underappreciated and potentially life-threatening, yet uniformly avoidable," Juurlink said.
(Editing by Alan Elsner)
Source: Reuters
http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE61800520100209