Supporting your path as a writer

One thing is clear:  we all need time to slow down in this busy, busy world.  One way to find  stillness is through writing.  Now, you might say, "I'm not a writer."  Been there.  In fact, why do you think I created my writing groups?  I needed to be around others who desired the same thing: a need for their own voices to shine through.

So now what?  The list below (adapted from Kelly Stone's Thinking Write) may help put that pen to  paper.

      Use GREEN. 

Any time you see the color green, you are in the right mindset for writing.  Many color experts would concur that it unleashes your creativity.    Paint the walls green.  Light green candles.   A less radical approach may be to write with a green-tipped pen.  Whatever you do, it’s perfectly perfect for you!

2)   Take your mind for a walk in NATURE. 

Let’s face it, with all the people, buildings and use of technology to distract us, nothing beats a walk in the woods, at the beach or on the top of a mountain.  While there, listen to the voice of your own self, calling your name and waiting for you to hear what it has to say.

3)   Breathe the AIR. 

Any time our cells are oxygenated, there will be more energy to create, create, create!   Why not get an extra “boost” from other living organisms by surrounding yourself with green plants?

4)   Find your POSITIVE statement.

Whether it’s “I am a writer,” “I will write 3 pages in the morning and 3 again at night”, foster that which you aspire to.  You’d be surprised at the results!

5)   Challenge your subconscious mind. 

Sometimes wearing your pajamas until noon will actually allow yourself to hang out in a “hpynagagic” state of mind.  This state will allow that creative mind to come through.  If anything, it’s an excuse to stay cozy!

Feel overwhelmed?

 Really?  Staying in your pajamas overwhelms you?  :)

As the late Steve Jobs once said, "Stay hungry and act foolish."  I believe you will accomplish what Steve was intimating by using the list.   I'm not suggesting you go to the local cafe and write in your pajamas, or am I?  

Please share with others so we can start a writing movement!  

~Lisa

Waiting around for what seems like forever.

Sometimes I wonder why I blog.  I thought I'd be posting the latest research on stress and  its effects on health.  I'd also thought I'd be sharing more about sports psychology or the birth world.  Two different worlds, I know, yet they both have many similarities.  That will all have to wait, as I feel compelled to digress.

This blog may be about all of the above.  Yet, as of late, I believe that it's more important for me to share with the world how I, a mental health professional, live my life.  Do I use the tools that I profess will help those with anxiety when I too experience such?  Do I breathe to calm my mind?  I just don't know that many counselors who share themselves in this manner.  Our industry teaches many of us to refrain from sharing of the self, because it may interfere with our clients own personal growth. 

I'm done with this belief.  So done.  I now see that the most important thing IS to share myself.  In the psychology world it would be called "the therapeutic use of self", where someone else grows through what I share.  If my writing can help more people than those who come to my office, then I believe I'm helping the world become a better place. 

The waiting felt like forever when it came to preparing for my father's heart surgery (the picture shows him with my mom, at one of his favorite places -the beach).   I could tell you I failed, however, that would be a lie.  Nothing is a failure.  Everything happens for a reason.  And this gives me faith to "keep on keepin' on" when the biggest curve ball EVER gets thrown my way.  My father's impending quintuple bypass surgery was the curve ball.

I cried  these last few weeks.  I saw images of myself attending my father's funeral.  I pictured my mother's phone call telling me that he died, while feverishly sobbing through her words.  I also began thinking, "How am I going to travel back east when it's the end of school for my kids?  Should they come back?   Will they want to?  Will they even remember their grandfather years from now?"  These are the moments when my mind is spinning off into the future and I watch myself fragmenting right before my own eyes.  If there was a snowball that begins to roll down a hill, only growing bigger and bigger with its momentum, that would be the feeling I find myself creating.  That's the key word here- myself.  I do this to myself!  Thank goodness, I have done the work to know when this happens, understand psychologically why I have been wired this way, and then begin to rewire my brain for change.

Fragmentation is one reason why clients come to see me.  They don't like how they feel.  Call it lack of groundedness, or what my yoga teacher refers to as, "the monkey mind."   These clients know that they just need new tools for their tool kit in order to get out of this state.  As easy as it is to "help" them gain an understanding as to why they do what they do, I'm only as good at this as when I myself grow and gain a better sense of who I am.  I have grown.   That much I know.

Years ago, I think I would've created a pitty party for myself as I waited for my father's surgery to occur.  That was me, the "victim".  I would want everyone around me to feel just as badly as I felt, almost suggesting that no one could feel joy.  No one could go on living there life.  Including myself.  That was then.  This is now.  And the "now" brings the following ideas/tools that you may use with my blessing if you find yourself in a similiar circumstance with your loved one:

1) Make sure your loved one knows that he/she is loved by you.  I knew my father knew this.  I just wanted to be sure that if anything was to happen, I wouldn't have ANY regret for not saying what I should have said if something were to happen.

2) Offer to pay for your loved one to experience some form of healing prior to surgery (albeit a massage, energy work, etc.)  I paid for my father to receive a Reiki healing session so that he could feel completely relaxed going in for the surgery.  The miracle was that he accepted, having never done anything like this before, and could honestly report back that he felt relaxed and in a positive state of mind.  This approach offered a way for him to know I could "love him from afar" (his words).

3) Send the  surgeon a care package.  From all my work in the healing world, I knew that it was important for me to feel like my dad wasn't just another patient, or one of the many going "under the knife."  The package included a letter thanking the surgeon for the care my father would recieve, a card stock, cut out and painted heart to honor this surgeon for all the lives he had helped to save and photos of my father.  The letter said that I wanted this doctor to know just how extraordinary my father is, and that he's loved by many.  (I don't even know if the surgeon opened the package.  That wasn't the point.  It made me feel better, and that's all that mattered.)  Find your own way of creating a care package and send it off sealed with a kiss, a prayer or simply the stamp from the post office.  You'll be glad you did.  I was!

4) Plan your day of self care on the actual date of your loved one's surgery.  For me, this meant asking my children to think of their grandfather when they were at school, and hugging my husband tightly.  I meditated and blessed the surgery room and all those caring for my dad.  I imagined a white light moving from the top of his head and moving down throughout his toes.  The white light was suppposed to feel like the sun on a hot summer day, warming his skin (he loves the beach).  I then met a friend at the local gym and had an intense "cardio" work-out in honor of my heart, and my soon to be father's "new" one.  Another friend offered to take me to lunch.  I told her I loved her.  My heart was open and so thankful for her gift of being there for me in a time of need.  And now, I am writing this for all eyes to read.  So cathartic.  So healing.  The words are just flowing. 

I won't tell you about what I did when I left to meet my friend for lunch.  Alright, I will.  I backed my car out of the drive only to hit the neighbor's car.  This was during the window of time that I thought I'd be getting the phone call letting me know that the surgery went well.  It wasn't happening fast enough.  Was I fragmented?  Yes.  So here's my "therapeutic use of self" for the world:  Human life is so precious.  I felt it today.  It's more important than knowing where the money will come from to pay for the big car dent on my neighbor's bright red, shiny chevy.   It's more important than all the "things" we think we need, all the items on our "to-do" list.  Fragmentation can literally suck the life out of me.  What good am I to myself and those around me if I'm operating from that place?  I am back now.  I am centered.  I used my tools, and I truly know that  this moment is here and then it's gone.  What will you do in this moment to honor yourself and your loved one?  What will you do to get out of fragmentation?  I'm routing for you!

blessings to you!

~Lisa

p.s.  I will be opening my "pitty party" fund soon in order for you all to pay for the neighbor's car to be fixed.  Thanks in advance!!! :)

Time will tell.

It’s too soon to tell how he will be, how I will be, how they will be.


It’s too soon to tell how anyone will be.

That’s just how it always is anyway, isn’t it?

We just never know.

I picture his heart. It’s blocked and in need of repair. Physical and structural repair, but, oh, yes, mental, emotional and spiritual repair too. The surgeon can go in with the utmost of care and use his highly trained hands to fix his heart, but that’s not where the chapter ends and a new story begins.

This is a wake-up call to life and how one can live while on this earth. And this is where I come in. I’ve watched. I’ve listened. I’ve prayed. Truth is, I’m not okay with how he lives his life; how he gives and gives until there’s nothing left, leaving his heart drained.

This is not surprising to me that all of this is happening.

It doesn’t end with that doctor’s precision. If only it was that easy to walk away with a new lease on life and say, “Yep, I can go back to doing things exactly the way I’ve done them before. I can eat how I want, do whatever I want, with no repercussions.”

Here’s the repercussion. It’s here, and it’s smacking you in the face. It’s smacking me in the face too!

He told me that he loved me, and he knows I love him, so maybe there’s nothing left to say or do. I believe there is. I know that this isn’t how the story should end. He is a part of me and my lesson is to use this as a gift in my own life; to watch when I give too much of myself away, with my own heart feeling taxed. I choose to rewrite this script of self-care so my children will observe a different way to live. As my oldest son said to me today, “I didn’t live with him like you did for all those years, Mom. It’s not the same feeling for me as it is for you. He’s not my dad. He’s yours.” And then he asked if I would take him surfing. I wasn’t ready because my heart felt too heavy.

I see his heart blocked and I hold it and wrap it in white light with angels a bound. I fill it with goodness and oxygen that nourishes every single cell, creating new life, new energy, and the opportunity to start anew. It’s his wake-up call, but it’s mine too. And because of this, I know it’s time for ME to start surfing.

How do you watch someone die right in front of you?

A morbid topic, I know.  It's just that death (and life) is around us all the time.  We see it on the news, or read it in the obituary column.  What I'm talking about is the death of a loved one, as this has been happening in my close circles these last few weeks.  And I've grieved.  And I continue to grieve.  These people leave behind their families and friends.  They leave behind the day-to-day happenings of what's to eat for breakfast, how long their commutes are, and what conversations lie waiting upon their return to home. 

At the same time this was all happening, I had just finished reading the book, one thousand gifts, by Ann Voskamp.  As a 6 year old child, Ann witnesses her 4 year old sister die instantly after being run over by a tractor.  She watched her mom holding her sister in her arms, while wailing in disbelief.  Ultimately, this woman grew up feeling such despair and depression.  A friend challenged her to write a thousand things that she is grateful for.  This led  her to see blessings abound, even when faced with something as painful as watching someone right in front of her die.  When her 6 children are fighting,  when she feels like she cannot bear to think about going on for another moment in time, Ann has embraced the notion that she always has a choice as to how she lives each moment.  She chooses grace.

From Ann Voskamp, I've taken the following quotes to make my life feel more blessed:

• "I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.  I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything.  I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little." 
• "Through all that haste I thought I was making up time.  Turns out, I was throwing it away.   The hurry makes us hurt.  Hurry always empties the soul."

Look for the blessing.  Look for the blessing.  These moments go by so quickly.  I know, because I was just realizing how I hadn't been reading to my children as I had done so often when they were little.  I had been living like the days were long, but then realized that the years are so very short.  So I found my way back to their bedroom, reading with such love pouring from my soul.  And as I grieve my friend's death, I can look to the blessing of the moment.  I can feel grateful for tears and the ability to cry.  I can feel grateful for the outpouring of love that helps to build community.  I can feel grateful for my breath and for this life where I can choose how to react and how to LIVE. 

I wish that sometimes I could sit all of my clients, past and present in the same room.  This way, they could see that whatever their pain, whatever their challenge, someone next to them has gone through something, although not exactly the same, but same enough to recognize the feelings shared mirror their own.  Now THAT is a blessing.  I love helping people move through their pain, where they don't have to feel alone in it.  They have to be ready and open for this process to occur.   Ann Voskamp, after many years, was open.  And the blessings began to flow. 

I want that for you. 

~Lisa

LEMON - AID - FAST!!!!

Every year I try to do a lemonade fast.  Fasting has been around forever, with this type of fast becoming pretty trendy as of late.  Some of you know I was training for my first ever Half Marathon (cross that off the bucket list; I ran it in 2:49)!  Obviously, with all that training, I was in no position to fast.  One month out, I knew it was time to slow down and take advantage of a slower routine.  I stopped all exercise, barring walking and some light yoga, and picked lemons off my neighbor's tree (with her blessing), bought Grade B syrup and a small jar of cayenne pepper. 

Some people attempt  the lemonade fast for weight loss, thinking if they starve themselves silly everything will change.  They only learn that all the weight comes back on within the next couple of weeks.  This isn't me.  I'm the one who never thought I'd ever do such a thing.  I don't weigh myself.  I just use this fast as a time for reflection; to clean out physically (and emotionally) from all the toxins I've accumulated through the year.  Some of us can get sick from this fast, feeling flu-like, nausea, with headaches and other bodily pains.  It's just too extreme because our bodies are letting go of all that was inside (and what was in there just wasn't pretty).  It's a chance for me to pray, to vision, to think about what's really important to me, instead of staying on that treadmill of life without thinking that it's too hard to go that fast all the time!

Many people judge me for doing this.  Eat, woman, EAT!" they tell me.  They can't wrap their heads around why I'd do this.  And that's okay, because as they're judging me I'm living my life to the fullest.  The way I want to, with no regret.  Yes, I feel hungry during this fast, but so does half the world these days.  The fast ISN'T just physical for me.  It's the mental/spiritual side that I embrace each time I commit to this.  I've also learned that what may work for me, may not work for you, and that there's as much research in support of this fast as there is opposed to it.  Just like with anything, in the end, I listened to my own voice, telling me it was okay to embrace this fast for one more year.

Someone told me that women in a certain part of India fast on Fridays in support of the highest good for their husbands:  (Honey, if you're reading this, well... we'll have to move to India for that to happen!)   What happens for me next becomes magical.  When I stop and quiet myself I realize that all those cravings are gone.  All the talk inside my mind convincing me that I need to have that big piece of cake just isn't there anymore.  What's left is me, and me alone.  And I like it this way.  In fact, I crave this time now. 

Growing up in a family of five children, seven years apart, wasn't (to say the least) quiet.  I would retreat to my room sometimes just to get away from all the noise.  Sometimes I was sent there as a punishment and I remember thinking, "Heck, this just doesn't seem like one at all.  It feels kinda nice to slow down and have space to myself to collect my thoughts."

And that's what my yearly lemonade fast has become.  It's lemon/s to the rescue!  They  provide me with such solace far beyond their bittersweet taste.  They're the color yellow, just like the sun that warms my heart.  These lemons provide me with a time to carve out for myself (just like I did when I retreated to my room as a child).  I am at peace.  It really is the purging of the physical (bad foods, drinks, etc.) and the mental (negative thoughts, the judgments I have over others) that leave me.  My mantra becomes, "Out with the old and in with the new."

If I did another form of cleansing or detoxing (e.g. the raw food, 21 day) I'd have to carefully plan, buy, prepare all of the ingredients, in addition to cooking and providing for my family's eating.  Nope. Those other ways don't work for me at this time in my life.  The lemonade fast has been easier for me because I don't have any choices over what foods to eat.  I'm just simply existing on very little, and without all those choices, my mind can think about other things!  What happens next is that I see more energy coming into my life, to the point where I end up requiring LESS sleep.  I am able to parent, be a friend and a wife in a very loving manner.  Ask my family!  They have noticed the difference. 

So there ya' have it.  My reasons for these lemons, maple syrup, cayenne pepper and water.  Who would've thought that these 4 ingredients could be so life-altering!   Go try something new that you'd never thought of doing in your life.  Take a risk.  Get out of that "same old routine" you may be in.  Mix it up.  Live a little.  You can always go back to your old ways.  Always. 

Fear Has Been My Shadow

Every time I look over my shoulder I see her.  She is dark and normally pretty overbearing.  She can knock me down when I least expect it.  And, boy, has she been visiting my brain lately.  Problem is, it's been an extended stay and I want her to leave. 

What do we do when our shadows of fear engulf us, when we feel so stuck that we can't move forward?

I have been blogging about my first-ever Half Marathon occuring this Saturday. I leave for Catalina by boat tomorrow night!  I am staying in a hotel with some of my girlfriend's friends of whom I've never met.  They'll be 5 of us in total that are running.  It just won't be together.  At least, that's not how I picture it in my mind.  My visitor (shadow) keeps telling me I'll be the one at the end of the race that everyone is waiting for so they can take down the finish line.  She also tells me that I can't do this, that I'm too old, that my knee won't be able to handle the race after undergoing and ACL repair nearly 3 years ago.  When I listen to her it's how I view the rest of my life.  The snowball starts to move down the mountain getting feverishly bigger to the point where I then feel like I'm a horrible mother, wife and friend.  Next thing you know I feel like no one loves me and I'm all alone.

All this because I took a big step forward to do something good for myself.  I can now recognize that when I do something good my shadow wants to pull me back to what's familiar.  What I know now is that my shadow is scared of change and that's HER voice, not mine. 

So have a seat, my shadow, as I watch the warmth of the sun melt that snowball.  I am choosing to move forward and am embracing this change for the better.  Someone once told me I'm never alone anyway, because I always have a relationship with myself.   The picture of me at the end of the race will be with one big smile on my face, because I will have sipped in all that Catalina has to offer:  the sunshine, the buffalo roaming, and the very thought  that I did my best to overcome my shadow.  However long it takes me to finish, I realize that I am a WINNER!

What has your shadow been saying to you as of late?  Isn't time to ask him/her to pack her bags?

Happy weekend,

~Lisa

*photo by Chris Sharp

Happy New Year, New Day, New Moment, New Breath...

Consider how many people set goals and  intentions this time of year.  They purge their drawers and  closets.  They buy new organizers.  New calendars.  They make amends to a family member or friend.  All of these actions come with the hope of creating change...for the good.

Why does this all happen at the start of a new year?  Why can't this be the way that we conduct ourselves all the time?  I know that those that participate in 12-step programs of recovery try to do this every night before they go to sleep.  They take their journals out and write an inventory.  The things they're grateful for.  The things that they wish they had done better.  They look for any resentments they're feeling, or any people that they seek forgiveness from.  They do this to get to the place of gratitude for a new day, a new moment, a new breath.

This IS how we should live.

Ever wonder why so many of us walk around with bad posture?  Yes, it's from the countless hours of sitting and the need for those workouts that support all those muscles.  Yet, if we look a little closer, we may find ourselves carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders.  The energy of negativity, anger, doubt, sadness can literally close us up.  It's our emotions and the psychological baggage that takes a toll on our minds AND our bodies.

If taking an inventory like our 12-Step program friends doesn't work for you, then I suggest finding something to work on .  Maybe it's counseling (I have some openings now, or can direct you to someone in your area).  Maybe it's reading a self-help book, helping a neighbor or talking with a friend.  Whatever it is, do it with the intention that you'd like to live your life a little bit lighter, with more joy in your heart.  Be open to the goodness that you can bring in for yourself.  Those around you will begin to notice  there's just something a bit different in the way you're carrying yourself.  They'll WANT to be around you.  And you'll enjoy this newfound sense of well-being.

What would it be like if we walked around and said, "Happy New Day!" with the same enthusiasm most of us
share on New Year's Eve, when that countdown to midnight sends the ball falling and a stream of fireworks lights up the air?  Imagine everyone feeling gratitude for this new day, for this new moment and for this new breath.  
So I say to you, "Happy New Day!"  I am grateful for so much.  I am grateful for you.

~Lisa