My soon to be 11 year old son was snuggled up with me on the couch tonight. As we were hugging I was lying there thinking about how much love he had for me and I for him. Now that he's asleep I sit here thinking, "how could this same boy call me a name?" That's just what happened for the first time this summer.
He joined Junior Lifeguards and was with kids older than him. He was most likely exposed to things, words, actions, feelings that I'm sure he never heard/saw or felt before. Maybe that's why I heard him call me the "b" word. And maybe that was the start of what it will look like during his teen years?
I knew that this was an opportunity for growth on both our parts. Which is why I said, "I know you meant to hurt my feelings and you did. I feel hurt." I then told him I needed to to think about how I would respond.
I then weighed my options. I could send him to his room. I could punish him by "taking something away." Nothing felt more right then to surround him with love and come from a place a love in my parenting.
This is what I did:
I told my son that I was sure that he would use this word again in his life. I just hoped that he wouldn't use it towards me. I told him this was a "low vibration" word and that we needed to balance out this energy with doing some "good" for the world. I thought of his gift of piano playing and made a call to a local retirment home. I spoke with the Activities Director and asked if my son could have an opportunity to play some songs.
My son went kicking and screaming on the date of his "performance." When he was done he had the biggest smile on his face and said, "Mom, I want to do this again."
He hasn't called me a name since. In fact, tonight he told me I was the best mom ever and I'm basking in this glory as I write.
I keep learning that sometimes my best parenting moments come when I take time to reflect on what has come before me, instead of parenting from a "knee-jerk reaction" place. I can only hope that I can bring this thoughtfulness to the next time my children need me to bring my best "game face" to the next problem/dilemma/name-calling!
Smiles,
Lisa
