If we dig deep enough, we can usually find what's at the bottom of our lists. Not the Holiday shopping list, THE list of priorities in our lives. The laundry list, that is. I am not sure why it has taken me so many years to realize that what's at the bottom of my list are the things that fill my soul. The things that make my clock tick. I feel like I have met long lost friends who are saying, "Well, it's about time, sister!"
I have never considered myself a runner. Maybe you don't consider yourself one too. Maybe you don't consider yourself an artist, a cook or one of those people that make something from nothing. I've heard those words all too often. I can't. I won't. I don't have the time. For me, it has been the realization that life is passing me by. No more!
I don't want to have regrets. That's why I started running. I've piddled with this idea through my high school volleyball days when the coach made us run to build endurance for our sport. I just haven't had a coach to make me do this anymore. I am my own coach, and only I can dig up from the bottom of the list and plant the seed to move on, and move forward.
So I signed myself up for my first ever Half Marathon that occurs at the end of January, 2011. Maybe it's just the structure I needed to "force myself" to do something that I would never do on my own accord. It's working. This time of year is so easy to put my running back towards the bottom of my list. The parties, the decorating, the, "Oh, I must have all my gifts purchased before the crowds hit those shopping malls." All that stuff is now at the bottom of my list. Running is officially at the top (with my daily meditation, for at least five minutes, with my yoga stretching to boot).
It seems so selfish to take care of myself and put ME first. I'm a giver. I loooove my husband and boys. I love buying thoughtful gifts for my friends. I love volunteering my time to help families in need this time of year. The difference for this year is that by consciously putting myself first, I am realizing that I am not selfish. Rather, I am so much more able to give, and those around me reap those benefits. Instead of combing the internet for hours trying to find that perfect gift, I allow myself ten minutes to look. If I don't find anything, then I look another day for ten minutes, and can purchase a gift that hasn't sucked all the life out of me in finding it.
So what's on the bottom of your list? What needs to come to the top? A famous Vincent Van Gogh quote reads, "If you hear a voice within you say "you cannot paint," then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced. I am choosing to silence the voice inside that says I can't run. In doing so I get to watch the quality and energy behind how great I feel inside. And that's the BEST gift I can give to my family and everyone around me, even at the shopping malls...
