Trust and do what you love

My friend Erin, founder of www.erincondren.com, was featured on the Today Show today.  Her story is inspiring, as she grew her love of creating fun, witty Holiday cards into an online extravaganza.  Not only cards, but my friend's business offers much more:  growth charts, recipe boxes, wallpaper, and the coveted daytime organizer.  (Below shows some of the EC stationary, as featured on The Today Show.)

I love her story because she found a way to balance being a mom of twins while doing what she loves.

Don't we all want the same?  Balance.  Reaching for our dreams.  Doing what we love.  Today I sit here, knowing that I have a call to write.  Erin's story motivates me to continue doing this act.  When Erin first started out, she operated out of her home office, which has now morphed into a 40,000 square foot warehouse.  She obviously isn't at home anymore, and employs a 100 person staff to spread the joy of her business.  (Below is a photo of Erin in her warehouse, as featured on The Today Show.)

So, here I am writing.  Today I submitted a 475 word maximum article to an online Women's Spiritual Health magazine.  They accepted my piece and have asked for me to write 5 more times throughout the year.  Although a small magazine, I had never heard of prior to receiving a request for submission, I move ahead, happy to be spreading the joy I have through this creation.  Just like Erin's home office, when she created out of the love of doing so, I offer the same.

We all need to find what we love and as NIKE® would say:  Just Do It.  What do you need to be doing for YOU and no one else?  What will stretch you beyond what you believe you are capable of doing?
Just as I cheer for my friend's success, I also support YOU.

Trust, and do what you LOVE!

Happy Day!

Lisa


www.mindfulbeginnings.com

When a pregnant couple (or really any couple) takes time to honor their relationship

I had the privilege to work with a pregnant couple the other night.  I found myself imagining that I was cupid, shooting hearts of love through the air.  The night was blissful, watching the tired husband return from his long day of work in the entertainment industry.  The wife, being 37 weeks pregnant AND a stay at home mom, chasing after an energetic two year old son, had her own feelings of exhaustion.  Together, this made for the perfect time to restore and renew, not only themselves, but each other.

We started by having the husband sprawl out on the couch, with the wife lying in front of him, her back on his chest.  I asked her to give "all of her energy" so that he could hold and support her.  They both melted into a cocoon-like state, and unconsciously, they were able to sense each other rhythms of breath.  They began to tune into the other and it was as if their breaths became one.  As it should be.

This being baby #2, there hadn't been as much time dedicated to preparing for his or her (they want to be surprised) birth.  We discussed the birth of their son, and this provided an opportunity to rid any held tension, anxiety or frustration that they may have been carrying into their current life.  They then were lulled by a visualization created to allow love and peace to prevail as the expansion of their family gets even closer.

Lastly, we ended with some partner yoga.  We laughed.  We laughed some more.  And, here's what the wife emailed me yesterday:

"Thanks so much for last night, we had a lovely evening, it was just what I was looking for. A perfect blend, and a true testament to the enjoyment.   In my 37th week of pregnancy, I slept like the babe within and didn't need to get up once! Also, Andy who's been plagued by papa stress, didn't have his early morning insomnia!  So great.  

We need to do that more often, just the two of us, always good to have a helpful reminder!   I recommend all partners take some time to reconnect and get excited about the next journey!"

-Brooke Castor -Manhattan Beach

I left them with more joy and love in my own heart, knowing this new baby was inside his/her mama performing cartwheels of gratitude.

Whether pregnant or not, it's always a good thing to do something as a couple to reconnect.  Go walk in nature.  Write each other  a love letter (or even an email).  Do something to honor the person who is walking side by side with you through life.  I have done so with my life partner, and will continue to do so because no matter how long we are together, I want that blissful feeling to prevail.  

My grandfather, the visionary

Have you ever "felt" the presence of a loved one who has died?  I have.  Lately, it's been my grandfather.  God, love him.  I hear his voice talking to me.  I hear his laugh.  Sometimes I smile when this happens.  Other times, I cry.  Whatever the emotion I feel, the experience is like receiving an extra birthday present, because if I were to move quickly through life's moments, I wouldn't even notice that he "stopped by" for a visit.

My grandfather didn't believe in energy or intuition.  He was out working on the farm, providing for his family.  He would often laugh at some of the stories I'd tell him as I "found my way" through life.  There was no time to sit and think in his "book of a self-taught education."  My gramp was one of the most well read individuals I have ever encountered.  His life was about doing, whether it was pushing a plow or reading a book.

After he died, my father shared my grandfather's "business card."  On this yellow piece of paper were the typewritten words: "farmer", "builder", "mechanic", "family man" and "mechanic".  They all remind me of what many of us do in the present day; we set goals and vision what we'd like more of in our lives.  We stake our claim on the earth.  Yes, that's just what this man did; he staked his claim.

Perhaps this grandfather of mine was ahead of his time.  He didn't need to read a self-help book explaining how to live one's life.  He just did it, and while doing so, my grandpa arranged words to be printed on a piece of paper.  This paper really captured who he was, and all that knew him would have to agree that he was all that.
 
Go make your "business card."  Go stake your claim on this earth.

Blessings,

Lisa

Supporting your path as a writer

One thing is clear:  we all need time to slow down in this busy, busy world.  One way to find  stillness is through writing.  Now, you might say, "I'm not a writer."  Been there.  In fact, why do you think I created my writing groups?  I needed to be around others who desired the same thing: a need for their own voices to shine through.

So now what?  The list below (adapted from Kelly Stone's Thinking Write) may help put that pen to  paper.

      Use GREEN. 

Any time you see the color green, you are in the right mindset for writing.  Many color experts would concur that it unleashes your creativity.    Paint the walls green.  Light green candles.   A less radical approach may be to write with a green-tipped pen.  Whatever you do, it’s perfectly perfect for you!

2)   Take your mind for a walk in NATURE. 

Let’s face it, with all the people, buildings and use of technology to distract us, nothing beats a walk in the woods, at the beach or on the top of a mountain.  While there, listen to the voice of your own self, calling your name and waiting for you to hear what it has to say.

3)   Breathe the AIR. 

Any time our cells are oxygenated, there will be more energy to create, create, create!   Why not get an extra “boost” from other living organisms by surrounding yourself with green plants?

4)   Find your POSITIVE statement.

Whether it’s “I am a writer,” “I will write 3 pages in the morning and 3 again at night”, foster that which you aspire to.  You’d be surprised at the results!

5)   Challenge your subconscious mind. 

Sometimes wearing your pajamas until noon will actually allow yourself to hang out in a “hpynagagic” state of mind.  This state will allow that creative mind to come through.  If anything, it’s an excuse to stay cozy!

Feel overwhelmed?

 Really?  Staying in your pajamas overwhelms you?  :)

As the late Steve Jobs once said, "Stay hungry and act foolish."  I believe you will accomplish what Steve was intimating by using the list.   I'm not suggesting you go to the local cafe and write in your pajamas, or am I?  

Please share with others so we can start a writing movement!  

~Lisa

Waiting around for what seems like forever.

Sometimes I wonder why I blog.  I thought I'd be posting the latest research on stress and  its effects on health.  I'd also thought I'd be sharing more about sports psychology or the birth world.  Two different worlds, I know, yet they both have many similarities.  That will all have to wait, as I feel compelled to digress.

This blog may be about all of the above.  Yet, as of late, I believe that it's more important for me to share with the world how I, a mental health professional, live my life.  Do I use the tools that I profess will help those with anxiety when I too experience such?  Do I breathe to calm my mind?  I just don't know that many counselors who share themselves in this manner.  Our industry teaches many of us to refrain from sharing of the self, because it may interfere with our clients own personal growth. 

I'm done with this belief.  So done.  I now see that the most important thing IS to share myself.  In the psychology world it would be called "the therapeutic use of self", where someone else grows through what I share.  If my writing can help more people than those who come to my office, then I believe I'm helping the world become a better place. 

The waiting felt like forever when it came to preparing for my father's heart surgery (the picture shows him with my mom, at one of his favorite places -the beach).   I could tell you I failed, however, that would be a lie.  Nothing is a failure.  Everything happens for a reason.  And this gives me faith to "keep on keepin' on" when the biggest curve ball EVER gets thrown my way.  My father's impending quintuple bypass surgery was the curve ball.

I cried  these last few weeks.  I saw images of myself attending my father's funeral.  I pictured my mother's phone call telling me that he died, while feverishly sobbing through her words.  I also began thinking, "How am I going to travel back east when it's the end of school for my kids?  Should they come back?   Will they want to?  Will they even remember their grandfather years from now?"  These are the moments when my mind is spinning off into the future and I watch myself fragmenting right before my own eyes.  If there was a snowball that begins to roll down a hill, only growing bigger and bigger with its momentum, that would be the feeling I find myself creating.  That's the key word here- myself.  I do this to myself!  Thank goodness, I have done the work to know when this happens, understand psychologically why I have been wired this way, and then begin to rewire my brain for change.

Fragmentation is one reason why clients come to see me.  They don't like how they feel.  Call it lack of groundedness, or what my yoga teacher refers to as, "the monkey mind."   These clients know that they just need new tools for their tool kit in order to get out of this state.  As easy as it is to "help" them gain an understanding as to why they do what they do, I'm only as good at this as when I myself grow and gain a better sense of who I am.  I have grown.   That much I know.

Years ago, I think I would've created a pitty party for myself as I waited for my father's surgery to occur.  That was me, the "victim".  I would want everyone around me to feel just as badly as I felt, almost suggesting that no one could feel joy.  No one could go on living there life.  Including myself.  That was then.  This is now.  And the "now" brings the following ideas/tools that you may use with my blessing if you find yourself in a similiar circumstance with your loved one:

1) Make sure your loved one knows that he/she is loved by you.  I knew my father knew this.  I just wanted to be sure that if anything was to happen, I wouldn't have ANY regret for not saying what I should have said if something were to happen.

2) Offer to pay for your loved one to experience some form of healing prior to surgery (albeit a massage, energy work, etc.)  I paid for my father to receive a Reiki healing session so that he could feel completely relaxed going in for the surgery.  The miracle was that he accepted, having never done anything like this before, and could honestly report back that he felt relaxed and in a positive state of mind.  This approach offered a way for him to know I could "love him from afar" (his words).

3) Send the  surgeon a care package.  From all my work in the healing world, I knew that it was important for me to feel like my dad wasn't just another patient, or one of the many going "under the knife."  The package included a letter thanking the surgeon for the care my father would recieve, a card stock, cut out and painted heart to honor this surgeon for all the lives he had helped to save and photos of my father.  The letter said that I wanted this doctor to know just how extraordinary my father is, and that he's loved by many.  (I don't even know if the surgeon opened the package.  That wasn't the point.  It made me feel better, and that's all that mattered.)  Find your own way of creating a care package and send it off sealed with a kiss, a prayer or simply the stamp from the post office.  You'll be glad you did.  I was!

4) Plan your day of self care on the actual date of your loved one's surgery.  For me, this meant asking my children to think of their grandfather when they were at school, and hugging my husband tightly.  I meditated and blessed the surgery room and all those caring for my dad.  I imagined a white light moving from the top of his head and moving down throughout his toes.  The white light was suppposed to feel like the sun on a hot summer day, warming his skin (he loves the beach).  I then met a friend at the local gym and had an intense "cardio" work-out in honor of my heart, and my soon to be father's "new" one.  Another friend offered to take me to lunch.  I told her I loved her.  My heart was open and so thankful for her gift of being there for me in a time of need.  And now, I am writing this for all eyes to read.  So cathartic.  So healing.  The words are just flowing. 

I won't tell you about what I did when I left to meet my friend for lunch.  Alright, I will.  I backed my car out of the drive only to hit the neighbor's car.  This was during the window of time that I thought I'd be getting the phone call letting me know that the surgery went well.  It wasn't happening fast enough.  Was I fragmented?  Yes.  So here's my "therapeutic use of self" for the world:  Human life is so precious.  I felt it today.  It's more important than knowing where the money will come from to pay for the big car dent on my neighbor's bright red, shiny chevy.   It's more important than all the "things" we think we need, all the items on our "to-do" list.  Fragmentation can literally suck the life out of me.  What good am I to myself and those around me if I'm operating from that place?  I am back now.  I am centered.  I used my tools, and I truly know that  this moment is here and then it's gone.  What will you do in this moment to honor yourself and your loved one?  What will you do to get out of fragmentation?  I'm routing for you!

blessings to you!

~Lisa

p.s.  I will be opening my "pitty party" fund soon in order for you all to pay for the neighbor's car to be fixed.  Thanks in advance!!! :)

Time will tell.

It’s too soon to tell how he will be, how I will be, how they will be.


It’s too soon to tell how anyone will be.

That’s just how it always is anyway, isn’t it?

We just never know.

I picture his heart. It’s blocked and in need of repair. Physical and structural repair, but, oh, yes, mental, emotional and spiritual repair too. The surgeon can go in with the utmost of care and use his highly trained hands to fix his heart, but that’s not where the chapter ends and a new story begins.

This is a wake-up call to life and how one can live while on this earth. And this is where I come in. I’ve watched. I’ve listened. I’ve prayed. Truth is, I’m not okay with how he lives his life; how he gives and gives until there’s nothing left, leaving his heart drained.

This is not surprising to me that all of this is happening.

It doesn’t end with that doctor’s precision. If only it was that easy to walk away with a new lease on life and say, “Yep, I can go back to doing things exactly the way I’ve done them before. I can eat how I want, do whatever I want, with no repercussions.”

Here’s the repercussion. It’s here, and it’s smacking you in the face. It’s smacking me in the face too!

He told me that he loved me, and he knows I love him, so maybe there’s nothing left to say or do. I believe there is. I know that this isn’t how the story should end. He is a part of me and my lesson is to use this as a gift in my own life; to watch when I give too much of myself away, with my own heart feeling taxed. I choose to rewrite this script of self-care so my children will observe a different way to live. As my oldest son said to me today, “I didn’t live with him like you did for all those years, Mom. It’s not the same feeling for me as it is for you. He’s not my dad. He’s yours.” And then he asked if I would take him surfing. I wasn’t ready because my heart felt too heavy.

I see his heart blocked and I hold it and wrap it in white light with angels a bound. I fill it with goodness and oxygen that nourishes every single cell, creating new life, new energy, and the opportunity to start anew. It’s his wake-up call, but it’s mine too. And because of this, I know it’s time for ME to start surfing.

How do you watch someone die right in front of you?

A morbid topic, I know.  It's just that death (and life) is around us all the time.  We see it on the news, or read it in the obituary column.  What I'm talking about is the death of a loved one, as this has been happening in my close circles these last few weeks.  And I've grieved.  And I continue to grieve.  These people leave behind their families and friends.  They leave behind the day-to-day happenings of what's to eat for breakfast, how long their commutes are, and what conversations lie waiting upon their return to home. 

At the same time this was all happening, I had just finished reading the book, one thousand gifts, by Ann Voskamp.  As a 6 year old child, Ann witnesses her 4 year old sister die instantly after being run over by a tractor.  She watched her mom holding her sister in her arms, while wailing in disbelief.  Ultimately, this woman grew up feeling such despair and depression.  A friend challenged her to write a thousand things that she is grateful for.  This led  her to see blessings abound, even when faced with something as painful as watching someone right in front of her die.  When her 6 children are fighting,  when she feels like she cannot bear to think about going on for another moment in time, Ann has embraced the notion that she always has a choice as to how she lives each moment.  She chooses grace.

From Ann Voskamp, I've taken the following quotes to make my life feel more blessed:

• "I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.  I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything.  I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little." 
• "Through all that haste I thought I was making up time.  Turns out, I was throwing it away.   The hurry makes us hurt.  Hurry always empties the soul."

Look for the blessing.  Look for the blessing.  These moments go by so quickly.  I know, because I was just realizing how I hadn't been reading to my children as I had done so often when they were little.  I had been living like the days were long, but then realized that the years are so very short.  So I found my way back to their bedroom, reading with such love pouring from my soul.  And as I grieve my friend's death, I can look to the blessing of the moment.  I can feel grateful for tears and the ability to cry.  I can feel grateful for the outpouring of love that helps to build community.  I can feel grateful for my breath and for this life where I can choose how to react and how to LIVE. 

I wish that sometimes I could sit all of my clients, past and present in the same room.  This way, they could see that whatever their pain, whatever their challenge, someone next to them has gone through something, although not exactly the same, but same enough to recognize the feelings shared mirror their own.  Now THAT is a blessing.  I love helping people move through their pain, where they don't have to feel alone in it.  They have to be ready and open for this process to occur.   Ann Voskamp, after many years, was open.  And the blessings began to flow. 

I want that for you. 

~Lisa