What's at the bottom of your list?

If we dig deep enough, we can usually find what's at the bottom of our lists.  Not the Holiday shopping list, THE list of priorities in our lives.  The laundry list, that is.  I am not sure why it has taken me so many years to realize that what's at the bottom of my list are the things that fill my soul.  The things that make my clock tick.  I feel like I have met long lost friends who are saying, "Well, it's about time, sister!"

I have never considered myself a runner.  Maybe you don't consider yourself one too.  Maybe you don't consider yourself an artist, a cook or one of those people that make something from nothing.  I've heard those words all too often.  I can't.  I won't.  I don't have the time.  For me, it has been the realization that life is passing me by.  No more!

I don't want to have regrets.  That's why I started running.  I've piddled with this idea through my high school volleyball days when the coach made us run to build endurance for our sport.  I just haven't had a coach to make me do this anymore.  I am my own coach, and only I can dig up from the bottom of the list and plant the seed to move on, and move forward.

So I signed myself up for my first ever Half Marathon that occurs at the end of January, 2011.  Maybe it's just the structure I needed to "force myself" to do something that I would never do on my own accord.  It's working.  This time of year is so easy to put my running back towards the bottom of my list.  The parties, the decorating, the, "Oh, I must have all my gifts purchased before the crowds hit those shopping malls."  All that stuff is now at the bottom of my list.  Running is officially at the top (with my daily meditation, for at least five minutes, with my yoga stretching to boot).

It seems so selfish to take care of myself and put ME first.  I'm a giver.  I loooove my husband and boys.  I love buying thoughtful gifts for my friends.  I love volunteering my time to help families in need this time of year.  The difference for this year is that by consciously putting myself first, I am realizing that I am not selfish. Rather, I am so much more able to give, and those around me reap those benefits.  Instead of combing the internet for hours trying to find that perfect gift, I allow myself ten minutes to look.  If I don't find anything, then I look another day for ten minutes, and can purchase a gift that hasn't sucked all the life out of me in finding it.

So what's on the bottom of your list?  What needs to come to the top?   A famous Vincent Van Gogh quote reads,  "If you hear a voice within you say "you cannot paint," then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.  I am choosing to silence the voice inside that says I can't run.  In doing so I get to watch the quality and energy behind how great I feel inside.  And that's the BEST gift I can give to my family and everyone around me, even at the shopping malls...

What are we RACING for?

So much happens every day of our lives.  We blink and it's over.  Yet, we seem to be racing to the next thing, maybe missing the needle in the haystack.  Why race?  Why, oh why do we do this?

Last night, I came together with 5 other women/colleagues to help bring the new documentary film "Race to Nowhere" to our local community.  It felt like it was just supposed to happen.  Five hundred tickets sold in ten days time.  Everyone was ready and waiting for the movie's message.  And it appeared loud and clear.  Teens were up on the screen discussing how much stress they are under.  From too much homework, to over-scheduling to staying up late into the night; they all realized they were on the "race to nowhere."

Working with pregnancy has been part of my professional work these last several years.  One common theme has emerged.  Even at the start of life there was a RACE for the baby to come out.  Some pregnant folks would tell their due date as if it was a hard and fast rule, and when the baby hadn't arrived, were on the phone with their respective care providers seeking a medical induction of labor.  Despite  all the evidence indicating due dates were not always accurate,  the race continued.

The RACE continues as we watch our babies emerge into the life cyle.  These babies  begin to crawl, and we're already talking about when they are going to start walking.  When they walk, we want to know when they'll run.  When they argue at the dinner table over who should wash the dishes, we are fantasizing about what ivy league law school they will attend (and our kids are only 8). 

We all have room to wake up even more and see the damage this race plays on our own emotional and physical lives.  For ourselves, and our famlies, we must assess the damage we may have caused.  We must clean out the attic, the basement, and all the rooms in-between.  Not just with a wiry, old broom.  We need to all participate in this cleaning out.  I'll take the broom.  You take the dust pan.  You take the polish and your friend can use the vacuum.  It's in this spirit of community that we will effect change.  The change that we (and our kids) need to see in the world.  Before it's too late.

Therapy (counseling) is one way to clean out the attic.  Your counselor can help you find the cobwebs that you may not even know are there.  It's like getting a clean slate to write on but using a different script when it comes time to write the words.  I love helping people clean out those cobwebs, and trust that there are those that will do the work needed on themselves so that new scripts can be written for change to ensue.

People stayed well after the movie ended.  Some went out for tea, others for a glass of wine.  Rumblings of a second screening are underway.  Vicki Abeles, the Race to Nowhere (RTN) discussed how we've all been to meetings and finding out what was wrong and what should be changed.  The difference lies now in NOT stopping.  Rather, we clean out, take stock and move forward with more grace than we could have ever imagined possible.  There's just no other way.

Louis Stevenson wrote "Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant."

I intend to do that.  And I know you will too.

~Lisa

Anticipation

I'm singing the Heinz ketchup commercial right now.  "Anticipation. An-tic-i- pa-a-tion.  It's making me wait.  It's keeping me wa-a-a-a-ting."  I think it's on youtube if you need a refresher.  I think I need to show it to my youngest son so he can fully understand why he couldn't fall asleep last night.  He went to the kitchen close to midnight deciding he was hungry.  So he ate.  Why couldn't he sleep?  One word.  Halloween. 

He awoke again  at 1:30 a.m. and I told him he must be having trouble sleeping because he's excited about his costume.   He exhaustingly said, "Yeah, I guess you're right," and finally caught some much needed zzz's.

Anticipation.  Waiting for something to happen.  Feeling the rush of your heart beat just a little bit faster, and feeling the heat of your body's temperature increase a bit.  Yes, I can relate.  I can relate in so many ways!  What this one word really means to me is missing the moment of NOW.  Missing the miracle that could have happened if I wasn't so focused on what's going to happen next.

Jack Kornfield was quoted as saying, "The restless waters of the lake appear to make the moon dance."  How great is it that my son is so excited about his costume (and I'll tell you at the end what it is, don't worry!)  How great is it that the restless waters helped to make the moon dance.  Every moment is perfectly perfect.  Every moment leads us, just like a bridge leading land to land, to that very next moment.  This becomes my prayer, my mantra, my ritual when I'm not getting the sleep I thought that I desperately needed as I watch my son sit with his rapidly beating heart.   Letting go.  Being.  That's the beauty of seeing the world in this manner.  Insomnia was the bridge to what's yet to come for this Halloween weekend.

For those inquiring minds, my son's costume is a "Failed Math Test."  Last night he wrote in black ink on 2 pieces of board math equations, filled with mistakes.  In red ink, he wrote his "teacher comments,"  one of which said that the person had to "...go back to preschool and stay there forever."  My son found his voice and his ability to self express.  I am so tickled for him to wear this to the school sponsored Halloween Carnival (along with the hat I made for him with a glued eraser and pencil on it).  And with the anticipation that will come when school is relased and we're waiting to leave for the night, I will chant the words, "This moment is perfectly perfect."

And, of course, I throw in a few deep breaths.

Happy Halloween!

Lisa

Pregnancy Welcoming and Blessing

Every day my world is different. I wake up and after meditating (yes, sometimes in the shower) I have to check my calendar to see what's on the plate for the day. I swear, sometimes my friends know my schedule better than me!

But that day was different. I woke up knowing I was going to facilitate a Pregnancy Blessing for a mom that I have been with for both of her pregnancies, only this time she asked me to come to her Baby Shower.

It was 30 minutes of bliss. I knew most of the women there because they became friends with baby #1 at my prenatal class over three years ago. They, and their first borns are all bonded. And I equate it to the yoga experience! Those babies knew what was going on as they were growing their mama's wombs.

Today marked the day of celebration for this mama who wanted more than the average open the gift saying,"Oh, thanks for the Diaper Genie" kinda thing. Instead, she let me be in charge of every detail of our time together. She trusted that everything would be perfectly perfect. And it was.

I created a special table of things that have special meaning in my life, that the women around could sense their special-ness. I laid out:
~a cloth from my husband's mom,
~a rock from the earth that was made by a friend
~ a little pink patch of a blanket knitted with love by a friend when I went for surgery to repair my torn ACL
~"Lucy", my pregnant gorilla friend made by a talented midwife named Pam England
~some white sand from Hermosa Beach
~2 painted hearts to represent Mom and Baby
~ a statue of a birthing mama squatting to birth her little baby

All these things were powerful, profound and oh, so very real.

I wrapped this sweet mama with veils of fabric and lace so that she could feel like a Queen for the day.

Each woman brought up a flower and gave this mama words of strength and power to bring with her to the birth room. I then led us all in a group meditation where each woman put a hand on their sweet pregnant friend. I asked us all to send love, love and more love through our hands and into her heart.

It all seemed to work. I have been thanked for making this mom's Baby Shower more special than she ever could have imagined. It has to be all my year's of training and working on myself. How could you give something away that you haven't received in your own life yet? And, for me, I have received so many blessings from so many people. It just feels so nice to give back now and share all the love.

I look forward to the day I can do this again, and again, and again for someone who wants to make her friend/sister/daughter's baby shower oh so special....

In bliss,

Lisa

Art that Fills Your Soul

Sometimes we just have to pause. To reflect upon what's truly important in our lives. To take stock. And I have been doing just that. You see, I would feel lost without art. There's so much of it. Whether we're driving down the street, reading a book, visiting a museum... it's all around us.
It's even in the faces of those that we love. Our job is to notice.

These last few weeks I have had such gratitude in my heart for the artwork that has been created on our local Lifeguard Stations. Portraits of Hope is an amazing organization that brought neon colors representative of peace to Los Angeles County. And, they're about to take it all down and return the lifeguard stations to their original form.
Oh, how my heart saddens.

So began my mission to see if we could keep this art for a little longer. You see, in Southern California, we just didn't have the opportunity to enjoy this art, given our sunshine-"less" days this past summer. There weren't as many treks to the beach. Not as many volleyball matches. Not as many surfing encounters. All due to our weather. This means that all the locals (and the tourists visiting) found other things to do. It means that our children didn't have as much opportunity to feel inspired by the lifeguard station artwork and all of its glory.

I created a Facebook Fan Page entitled, "Keep the LifeGuard Stations Artwork for 1 More Year." If you feel called to become a fan, just go to your own Facebook page, do a search of this group and click "like". Or, try clicking on the following link: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Keep-Lifeguard-Stations-Art-for-1-more-Year/110374029022445?ref=ts&v=wall

Through this mission I have contacted local officials. I have spoken with the residents. I have helped to create a movement of folks that are so thankful for this art that, like me, fills their souls.

Sometimes we can only put our best foot forward, and then let the universe take over in order to decide where the magic will unfold. For local folks in the Beach Cities there will be a story highlighting our attempts to save the Tower Art in "The Beach Reporter". Check in this Thursday's edition! Already, a local contractor in Hermosa Beach, Rick Koenig, has expressed interest in saving all the Hermosa Beach, CA towers. Maybe more contractors will step up in our surrounding beach communities!

For today, what's in my control is to take my family down to the beach and be photographed in front of some of the stations. These memories will last a lifetime for generations to come. And who knows where the next art will be that will move me the way Portraits of Hope did, and still does.

What inspires you to be called into action? What art is right in front of YOU that you may be taking for granted? Bless it. Bless the moments all around you, for they are there for the taking!

Lisa

Join Mindful Beginnings on Facebook

Mindful Beginnings has a new fan page on Facebook. Please friend us and suggest to your friends. Updates from the blog will be automatically shared on facebook!

Meditation to Eliminate Pain

I filed away an email that a fellow colleague had sent me. I finally read it and now realize why I hadn't deleted it. The article was about a study that revealed how meditating can reduce the feeling of pain. Why? Because our brains are able to anticipate the feeling of pain less.*

Where I live, I don't meet people in my every day life that tell me, "Oh, yeah, I meditate all the time! It's so easy!" Nope. Rather the opposite. I find that I meet people who are stressed and use some kind of external source to find relaxation, be it exercise, food, alcohol, etc..

I've done all those things. Yet, the feeling I have when I meditate is one that comes from deep witin. From a place that I can't explain. I don't feel like I need all those external "things" to fill me up. And, oh...I am so at peace.

So this idea of pain: this is what I've been thinking about. With the many different types of clients that I serve, it truly doesn't matter why they are coming to me. They all have "pain" of some sort. Pain over wanting to conceive a baby. Pain over being cleated on the soccer field which now requires surgery. Pain over the loss of a loved one. Pain, pain, pain. It's all around us. We've all experienced it. And this is why I can't just hold myself to serving one population of people. It doesn't matter to me who you are and what circumstances led you to me (or me to you!) What matters is that we all begin to figure out ways (in this oh-so-fast-paced world) to SLOW our minds down and live in the way research is just now proving to be the BEST way to live.

So meditate. There are so many ways to meditate, but here's one way to start if you've never done so before:
Light a candle and set a timer for five minutes. Sit and close your eyes. Listen to your breath as you breathe in and out. If your mind starts to tell you that you need to cancel your dentist appointment, then be sure you have a pen and paper nearby. Jot down that thought (and any other) and return to your breath. Your breath has always been there for you, waiting to fill your lungs more deeply with oxygen. Picture all the goodness that you're doing for your body, your mind and your SOUL. Before you know it, that timer will go off!

I love what I do. I love helping people find their place of peace (and having them realize it was always there to greet them).

Happy mediating!

Lisa

*"Meditation reduces the emotional impact of pain." June 2nd, 2010. www.physorg.com/news194691626.html

Does Counseling Work?

I always ask my clients, whether it's taking a yoga class for the first time, eating a new veggie (hey, we do this with our kids, right?), or going to counseling, to give it 4 sessions before making a decision as to whether it's working or not. Has anyone really liked kale after the first try? :)

That said, there are so many different kinds of counselors out there.
You are always welcome to ask questions/interview a therapist to see if there's "chemistry", or the therapist is "in line" with what you are looking for.
I just had a client that felt after 2 sessions with me we just weren't a fit. I told her that I respected her for knowing what she wanted and we bid farewell. I've also had (strangely, in the last 3 months) clients that did a piece of work and have now returned, saying they are "ready" to go into their "stuff" more.
I know that when I first started my practice in 1996 I didn't have all the tools I have now when working with clients. And one of those tools is just paying attention to whether we breathe when we talk. Paying attention to getting air in can do wonders when we're feeling anxious/down. I love watching how (as babies) we breathe like frogs! The whole side-ribs expand and the breath is like a wind tunnel. Then... life happens and we shut down that wind tunnel. I love watching how clients can choose to breathe no matter what happens around them.
This I have learned in my own therapy. As well, my own therapy has helped me to be sure I'm not projecting onto my clients the stuff that really belongs to me.
Therapy CAN feel good. You can even look forward to the time that you chose to carve out of your day to grow more. Therapy can feel like going to get fuel for your engine. It helps you tick. You can put your engine in the garage and then take it out for another "spin around the block." The point is (I think) that you are the only one that knows if you need counseling. You are the only one that knows if you feel happy inside (and don't need the "thing" or external source to get you there). You are the only one that can decide what's right for you!
Just being an active particpant in this journey of life, being aware, being all that you can be is what the world needs most. (I think I hear that song entitled, "What the World Needs Now is Love Sweet Love." Help me if that's not the right title!)

Happy day,
Lisa
...............................................................................................................................................

Play Off Perspective

Whether you have a child playing baseball, soccer, football or lacrosse, this time of year usually entails some sort of Play-Off experience, ultimately ending with the Championship team walking away with a trophy. Below is an article I wrote for the local little league, but many of the principles involved apply to any sports team. Please read it and continue to help me promote mindful and conscious playing out on the ball field/s.

Lisa



"Sometimes a hitter gets a hit, sometimes I strike them out, but in neither case does anyone die." ~ Orlando "El Duque" Hernandez



Anyone walking by the ball field, you can sense the pressure or anxiety that our kids feel during play-off season. Some of it is of their own doing, and some is from the adults! How can we insure that our kids can be kids and just play ball?



Perhaps we have to go back to that old-fashioned Parent Pledge that was created at the Little League National Level. Here it is:



I will teach all children to play fair and do their best.
I will positively support all managers, coaches and players.
I will respect the decisions of the umpires.
I will praise a good effort despite the outcome of the game.



Here's our chance to put into practice what other communities take to heart. Why? Because we want our kids to WANT to return to this beloved sport next year. And... we don't want to have a story like they did in Port Lucie, FL where their local headline read:



"Spectator Bites off Man’s Ear at Youth Baseball Game.”



Why did this happen? The story discussed how a losing ball player began to yell obnoxiously. A fan on the opposing team hit him, and ball player's dad attacked that fan. In doing so, the dad bit the fan's ear! During this event, a nine month old was knocked out of her mother's arms!

Is this what we want our baseball community to be about? I ask because it's happening all around us. Have you ever witnessed a parent getting a little loud? A little too critical?



There was a 1995 report that said 5% of a crowd of parents would become problematic during a sporting event. The percentage increased to 15% five years later! (taken from Nat'l Alliance for Youth Sports). Things are getting a bit out of hand, shall we say! It's only until we realize that when the kids are noticing our behavior, and modeling themselves after what they see, can we begin to make change/s for ourselves...for the better. Let's have our Hermosa sports' community be of the 5%, and not the 15%!



Just for today...let's be thankful that we have an umpire who is willing to call the game, coaches that volunteer their time, and lollipops to use if we can't find anything positive to say!

The Green Idea House is Here Soon!

Below is a an email forwarded to me from friends of mine. They are doing such a great thing for our earth, I just had to share. In lieu of what has happened with the recent BP oil spill, any time we can be green in our efforts to help the earth, I sincerely applaud!

Lisa


Green Idea House is online!
Visit our new website www.GreenIdeaHouse.com and follow every step of our journey as we transform the Fortunato family home in Hermosa Beach, California into a fully net zero energy, zero carbon home.


Connect with us
Be sure to sign up for the RSS Feed or the corresponding Facebook, LinkedIn or Twitter pages. That will connect you with the latest progress updates, news about green building and open the dialog with us throughout the planning and construction stages – and beyond.


Our Exciting Challenge
We are 100% committed to researching and implementing “green” building technologies so that our house becomes a practical case study for anyone who wants to replicate the process of cost-effective eco-renovation. As we move forward, we’re learning how to navigate the complexities of redesigning a home that consumes zero energy, emits zero carbon and still includes all the modern standards of human comfort. We’ve taken on this groundbreaking challenge so you don’t have to!


Green Idea House & the Community
The Green Idea House project is also acting as a catalyst in our broader community. The City of Hermosa Beach recently made a commitment to be the first city in Los Angeles County (maybe all of Southern California) to establish a plan and timeline to be a carbon neutral city – the “Green Idea City”. We are working directly with the Mayor and a committed group of local activists to bring the economic and environmental benefits of this action to fruition. You can read more about it at the following links:
Daily Breeze Op Ed
Hermosa Beach Patch


Inspired? Forward Our Website
Feel free to forward the Green Idea House website to anyone you think might be interested and inspired. We’re excited to share the adventure as we move closer to construction in the fall!

Look forward to connecting soon,

Robert and Monica Fortunato

Hermosa Beach Little League - Hermosa Beach, CA

Hi to my sports loving families! Here's an article I wrote for the Hermos Beach Little League that you may enjoy that addresses what Oscar Wilde refers to as "...you only get one chance to make a first impression." See how this relates to our lives, on and off the field.

Feeling the baseball fever,
Lisa

Click below:

Hermosa Beach Little League - Hermosa Beach, CA

I am a Writer

Hear me roar... I am a writer and I found my voice. I can't stop pouring out all the thoughts that come into my mind. I want to write a book. So many topics. Which one shall I pick?

Have you ever seen yourself doing something that hasn't happened yet? That's how I feel about this book. I can taste it, it's so close to being written. So I'll just trust in the universe to bring me the willingness to sit and have the discipline to do this. Do you have discipline like that? I think that's why I enjoyed playing on a sports team. No matter what, you showed up to practice and you just did it. That's the feeling that I need to create in myself again. So my topic for my book will hopefully be something that I will want to come back to. Again and again.

For now, I will go do some yoga and meditation to help ground me. So many ways to pull me in other directions. But.... I will keep my eyes on the prize. And it's not a Pulitzer that I'm talking about. It's the prize of self-care and the prize of knowing why I'm on the planet. I think I know why I'm here.
Yippee!

Lisa

Pitches of Inspiration

Since I spent my whole life growing up with sports, and since my afternoons and evenings are spent in the sports world as well (with 2 boys playing a plethora of sports): I had been talking to the President of the Hermosa Beach Little League and he asked me to write for their website. After months of finding the "right time", I finally published my first article.
The title of each article is entitled "Pitches of Inspiration" since we all could use a little more love when we're playing, watching sports.

Here's what I wrote:

We are back to baseball, with more sunlight for our nights. There's a feeling of "fun" in the air. You see it when the t-ballers are doing somersaults, when the "AA" kids are pitching for the first time, and when the Majors proudly carry their own league-sponsored batting helmets to the field. The Juniors look so professional in their pristine uniforms and seriousness of purpose. I can't believe they, too, played t-ball years ago. And yet they did. Something inspired those older kids to keep going. I'm sure it wasn't the number of wins and losses they experienced through the years. Most likely, it was someone who believed in them. And that's all that really matters anyway! Cheers to a great baseball season!
Lisa Pedersen is a Hermosa mom who loves watching her boys play in the HBLL. She grew up in a family of athletes (Dad was a coach, 4 brothers played collegiate baseball, with 2 drafted to the pros). Her own experience as an assistant coach for a Div. I collegiate team, coupled with her private counseling practice with youth and families, helps her to understand what happens on (and off) the field (or court, rink, etc.) "Pitches of Inspiration" is meant to help when our lives are thrown "curve balls." Lisa is available to "coach" families when they can't recover from being hit by a pitch.*
Her website: www.mindfulbeginnings.com *some insurances may pay for Lisa's services. Be sure to inquire.

I am hopeful that those parents that feel stress while at the ball field (or court, swimming meet, gym, etc.) will take the time to gather the tools necessary to impart to their kids. My fear remains that when the love of learning is taken away so is the love of sport (or cooking, or anything for that matter).

I love sports. I do. I love how people get into the zone to create their magic. There's just so much pressure on kids to perform that I don't want that magic to leave them!!!

Stay tuned for more articles.

Happy day,
Lisa

More Goes on in Mother/Daughter Partner Yoga

So I've been facilitating Mo/Dau Yoga Workshops and loving it. You think all you're doing is physical poses, getting a work out and breathing with your daughter. So much more is going on.

Instead of going to the mall, getting a pedicure with your loved one, or doing something from the outside to gain close-ness and a common ground, this workshop allows you to build something from the internal (deep inside yourself). While doing so you then radiate and attract your loved one to you and build upon your relationship together.

It helps that I've gone to so many trainings in psychology to add to the workshop. You get to look at how you are in regards to wanting the control all the time, if you follow your partner and really be in the present moment. You get to touch each other through light massage (something that sometimes gets lost as our daughters age).

So come. Come and "just be." And, if I'm offering more workshop dates and those don't work for you then let me work in the comfort of your home (for those that are in SoCal).

Let's work on strengthening the bond of one of the most importance relationships you have throughout your lifespan. Let's work on this connection so that when your daughter is of high school age she will feel safe and comfortable to come to you when she's navigating the world of body image, eating disorders, alchol and drug use as well as sexuality.

Here's to Mother/Daughter love and connection,

Lisa

Preschool Decisions

There have been some parents lately trying to figure out if they should enroll their children in preschool. Full time? Part time? I have discussed this with some of my counseling clients who have navigated this world as well. What to do... welcome to the rollercoaster of parenting! You've probably been there for a while, anyway, but making a preschool decision for your child starts our hearts beating faster, doesn't it? I am breathing as I write to calm myself down!! :)

This subject is very near and dear to me because I believe that the culture of where we live makes us decide things for our kids that may not necessarily be in their best interest/s. Here are my thoughts: just as I tell my prenatal clients that are anxiously trying to figure out what stroller to buy or what color to paint the nursery: your baby doesn't care! What he/she cares about is having a mom that is present, calm, etc. I find myself to this very day telling myself this when I am anxious. It just doesn't serve my kids to be in that state of mind.

So, with preschool selection, I feel the same way! Your kid wants YOU! Sometimes this isn't possible, where, for financial reasons you have to work. Maybe you love your job and feel happier. Full-time preschool may be the best option for your child in this situation. If you are working out of necessity and you need to enroll your child in a full-time preschool, just remember that there's no room for feeling guilty if you really would rather be home with your child (and not have him/her in a full-time preschool). We just don't get to feel guilty. We need to move on and work through our feelings for our kids. No one benefits when we feel guilty. These are old patterns that we learned, starting in childhood. Here's our own opportunity to grow!

Some other questions to ponder when considering the steps for preschool:

What is the pay-off for missing your child's nap (if he/she is still napping)?
Do you miss out on the yummy family dinner time when you're all together because your child is so over-tired and maybe over-worked from holding it together from his long preschool day? This question is truly one to ponder. I wanted my kids to have that family time. Now that they are older I am so happy that I've done that, because the pull for their sports activites, piano, ukelele, etc., etc. can pull us from what is so truly important... FAMILY!

Do they have the opportunity to work through their feelings... e.g. cry, in their new preschool?
I've read the posts that have stated the kids that have enrolled in full-time preschool have cried "very little". Does this mean that they've learned to "bottle up" their emotions? What does the teacher say to foster the "she only cried a little bit?" I know one mom I worked with once told me the teacher said, "Here's the lollipop dragon and you can get a lollipop if you don't cry." I'm not making this stuff up! Knowing the philosophy behind processing feelings will be important for you to know!

This could be a whole entire subject, but if our children hold their safest feelings for us, no wonder why they cry, scream, temper tantrum SO MUCH when they are with us. I question whether I would cry in the presence of fellow students at a course I'm taking, or wait until I got home to unload these feelings with my own husband. This is what our children navigate on a daily basis. My oldest son, upon entering kindergarten said, "It's not okay to cry at school." He was learning the social norms of that environment. You know what I said to him? "Bubba, then home will be your safe place to bring your feelings." I just wanted to ensure that he wasn't bottling up his emotions only to later in life experience depression, anxiety, etc. He would have the tools to really know what he was feeling and how to soothe himself, instead of ending up at Mira Costa High School one day only to succomb to the influence of drugs, alcohol, etc. to bottle up his feelings. Please email me off-line as I'd be happy to discuss more.

When my boys were little, I had the luxury of selecting a preschool where I could be there working, and with them. This was so important to me to be there to see their milestones, and to begin the process of creating a "village" to turn to where I would gain friendships. In times when I needed a break, I wanted this "village" to be there for me (especially b/c my own parents are back east, and my husband's parents have since passed away). Not everyone has that luxury or option. Again, this made me a "happy" mom where I could then be present for my children. This has now extended to the public school/s where my kids attend. I try to see my clients during school hours, but when I can't I rarely pay for a babysitter. I have so many friends to trade off child care, car rides, etc. And guess what? My kids are so the more happy for it. They have so much socialization going on. They're in people's homes, learning about what it means to be a family, and how our family is the same/different than others. This makes for such rich discussion! This took years and energy on my part to build my village. I am so very happy that I took the time to do so. Because I didn't grow up in the area, I needed to do this. For those of you who have your "pre-made" village, enrolling your child in a drop-off preschool won't be as much of a problem for you. Again, just something to ponder.

When my youngest (who is now in 2nd grade) told me he was "done" with preschool the year before he started kinder, I followed his lead. He had built so many friends that we scheduled playdates when the spirit moved us. I took him to swim classes, Lego-Building, and skating at the time. He was so happy, as was I. I had always heard to enjoy the time because it goes by so fast. Here's where I got to practice that. I got to be there for my youngest in a way he didn't get to when he was a baby. He was too busy tagging along with me while I tended to his older brother. I look back on that time and can see the benefits of this time we spent together.

Unlike my oldest, he wasn't reading prior to kindergarten. I held in my heart that he would when he was ready. With all the pressure of academics pushed on kids these days I doubted all the "play" that I provided for him (he had no computer, video useage until 1st grade, and it's still limited and up for negotiation). It all turned out just fine. He was reading like a sponge in kinder and I continually hear how bright he his from all his teachers. In Social Studies he is learning about the electorial process and on his own accord, wanted to make a "movie." I love how he is able to think outside of the box! This probably happened because he wasn't over-scheduled. He has learned what to do in the "idle" moments when he is "bored." I don't have to entertain my kids. If they say, "I'm bored," my response is, "That's a choice. What would you like to do about it?"
When we fill up our kids day/s they don't have these opportunities. So easy for the short term, but we need to ask ourselves what kind of adults we'd like our children to be one day.

I will end with this: what worked for me may not work for you. We cannot shame each other for the decisions we make. It doesn't serve anyone, especially our own kids. Oh, and... here's another thought: I have a friend who is from Wisconsin who moved out to CA. She didn't go to preschool and therefore said she wasn't going to send her kids. For those questioning if her kids are okay socially: absolutely! This may not be you. Or, maybe it is. I respect us all for doing the best that we possibly can!

Let's just keep listening to our kids~
Have a happy day!

Lisa

Paxil and Breast Cancer

Interesting that mainstream media hasn't picked up on this study. Wanted to pass along the research. I also hope that anyone with cancer will seek out the abundance of support that is there for them when they are ready: Wellness Communities, counseling and psychotherapy, yoga, or even the following website: www.lotsahelpinghands.org (a place for friends to deliever meals), etc.. So nice to feel we have a connection to the earth and its people.

In health,

Lisa

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The popular antidepressant drug Paxil may interfere with breast cancer treatments, making patients more likely to relapse and die, researchers in Canada reported on Monday.

Women who took GlaxoSmithKline's Paxil while taking tamoxifen at the same time were more likely to die of their breast cancer, the researchers found. The longer the overlap between Paxil and tamoxifen, the more likely the patients were to die, they reported in the British Medical Journal.
It is likely because Paxil, sold generically as paroxetine, interferes with the compound the body uses to process tamoxifen, the researchers said.
"There is probably a better choice of antidepressants for women taking tamoxifen but (any change) should be done gradually with a doctor," said Dr. David Juurlink of the Institute for Clinical Evaluative Sciences and Sunnybrook Health Sciences Center in Toronto.
"It is easy for women on tamoxifen to become alarmed by the results of this study," Juurlink added in a telephone interview.
"People shouldn't be stopping their tamoxifen. It is an extremely important medication." And he said no-one should immediately stop taking paroxetine either without first consulting a doctor because suddenly stopping an anti-depressant can be dangerous.
Juurlink and colleagues looked at the healthcare records of 2,430 breast cancer patients 66 or older who took tamoxifen between 1993 and 2005. About 30 percent of the patients also took an antidepressant at some time during their treatment with tamoxifen, and paroxetine was the most common one.
Fifteen percent of the patients died of breast cancer during the study.
After other factors were taken into the account, the researchers found that women who took Paxil and tamoxifen together for a quarter of the treatment time were 25 percent more likely to die of breast cancer.
This rose to a 91 percent risk for the women who took tamoxifen and Paxil together for 75 percent of the time.
"In contrast, no such risk was seen with other antidepressants," the researchers wrote.
Tamoxifen can reduce the risk of breast cancer returning by 50 percent if women take it for five years, although the drug is often being replaced with a newer class of drugs called aromatase inhibitors.
For the body to use it, tamoxifen must be broken down by an enzyme called CYP2D6.
A class of antidepressants called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors or SSRIs can interfere with CYP2D6.
"Paxil is a fairly potent inhibitor of that enzyme," Juurlink said. So is fluoxetine, the first SSRI antidepressant.
His team did not find that fluoxetine, sold under the brand name Prozac, had the same effect, but it could be because so few women took that particular antidepressant, he said.
"These results highlight a drug interaction that is extremely common, widely underappreciated and potentially life-threatening, yet uniformly avoidable," Juurlink said.
(Editing by Alan Elsner)
Source: Reuters
http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE61800520100209

Depression Symptoms for Pregnancy/Post-Partum Women

Since 13% of pregnant women and new mothers experience depression, I thought I'd just share the signs to watch for, especially because it might be the friend or spouse that recognizes the depression over the actual pregnant/post-partum woman!

The most important thing to track is whether any of the below listed symptoms occur for longer than 2 weeks, this is when you would want to see a licensed mental health professional, or even your doctor.

If you:
-cry a lot, have very little energy or motivation, feel very hopeless or overwhelmed, eat or sleep too little or too much, isolate from friends and family, have physical ailments (headaches, stomach problems) that won't go away.

If you:
- have a family history of depression or mental illness, have had very stressful life events, or even a big surge in hormones: all or some of these symptoms may be cause to seek professional help.

For post-partum women, the big thing to watch is those hormones remaining low when they drop post-birth. The easiest thing to do would be to get a simple blood test from your doctor to see if your thyroid gland regulating at a low level. (TSH test). Your doctor may prescribe medication to help the thyroid return to a normal level of functioning.

For me, I think I felt all of the above listed symptoms at one point or another. The difference is that the feelings don't last for an extended period of time! I had a psychology professor years ago who said, "That's what's so great about the human personality. We all feel psychotic, crazy, sad, depressed at times." This is how I can feel empathy for those that truly have a brain chemistry problem, with their symptoms dictating how they live their lives. The next step would truly be seeking help to realize that they don't have to feel this way all the time.

I love when I work in conjuction with a woman seeking counseling to abate her symptoms. Sometimes she finds me through her doctor recommending counseling. Othertimes, she come on her own accord. Whatever the circumstance, I respect and value this woman for the courage it takes to reach out for help.

I also know that this woman gets to role-model to her children (every if it's a baby, he/she can still recognize and feel mom's change in emotional state) what it is like to take care of oneself. Her child/ren will grow up knowing to reach out for help and not live in isolation.

The world becomes a better place because of this courageous act.
I am privleged to work and witness such a transformation take place.

Smiles,
Lisa

New Tradition! Make Valentine Cards on New Year's Day

As I was clearing away the Christmas decorations, I realized that I wanted to do something special to recognize New Year's Day.
With both of my boys close by, I spread out a bunch of paper on the table and asked them to start cutting hearts.

"Mom, Valentine's Day isn't for another month" is the reaction I heard. This didn't stop me. I explained that I wanted us to think about how many people in our lives we are thankful for. The cutting took on a rhythm of its own.

We have about 50 hearts cut out. They all have smaller hearts glued on top of the big hearts. From there, we get to recognize and talk about each person as we write their name.

I know that this activity may take a week before we finish. No one seems to care. We are opening our own hearts to the endless possibilites of love and connection.

Alas, a new tradition has been birthed.

Happy New Year to all!!

Lisa